What's For You Won't Pass You...

That saying is a popular saying in Irish culture, and I've heard it a million times growing up, but I have never lived it more than I have in the last 12 months. 

I am a list maker. A sneak peak into the Memos section on my phone will show you lists upon lists of things I need to buy, things I need to do, places I want to visit, and timelines of when I want to do these things. Another look into my Google spreadsheets will show more lists, of past parties I've thrown, and lists of things I needed to do. I can't stress enough how much I like lists. I get this from my mother, so it's extremely fitting that after I'd decided to move to Ireland, my mother helped me make a 'Pros' and 'Cons' list for moving to Ireland. 

I remember the day like it was yesterday, I had one of those moments where I started to panic, and thought that I might be making a mistake, that giving up everything I had was a stupid thing to do and I should just fight through the rut. It was October 2016, and my mom and I were sitting in Tim Hortons. I was talking about everything that had happened to me over the last 6 months and we decided to write the list. We wrote the list that would determine my future on a napkin, that I've kept with me this whole time. 

Every time I had doubts, I looked at the napkin. Every time someone told me I was crazy for moving, I looked at the napkin. Every time fear started to creep in, I looked at the napkin. I just kept saying to myself "I will be fine once I have a job and a place to live, and I can start settling in". 

There is a housing crisis in Ireland at the moment, where it's not only next to impossible to buy a home right now, it's just as bad in trying to rent one. It wasn't until I got here that I realized just how bad the situation is. The month I moved (February 2017) there were 7,421 people who were homeless in Ireland, and the number of families who identified as homeless has gone up by 36% since last year. Reading these stats caused more panic inside me. Where was I going to live? Again, I thought back to that night in Tim Hortons with my mother, and knew that regardless of all of these facts, I was exactly where I needed to be. 

The search for decent housing was one of the most frustrating parts of my journey so far, but I had some really fantastic family members who offered to drive me from place to place in the hopes that I would find a decent place to live. One day I got an email from my uncle with a link to a place that was advertised on the North side of the city, and close to where my parents grew up. It was the perfect location, close to town but also close enough to both sides of my family so I wouldn't feel lonely.

I am now writing this blog post from my new flat in Dublin. 

In 2 months, I landed a job, a flat in one of the worst housing markets in the country's history, and I'm starting to really feel like I belong. My head is spinning, I can't believe how fast everything has come together for me. I don't know if you believe in signs, but this sure as hell seems like one to me. 

Why are you moving to Ireland?

Here I go again. No stranger to the blogging world, I set out yet again to attempt to create and maintain a regular blog. Are blogs still a thing? Maybe not, but I'm really going to try to see this one through. Mostly, for my friend Milica, who, upon coming to terms with my moving halfway across the world responded with "Well, you better at least blog about it!" So Milica, this whole blog is dedicated to you. 

If you haven't been following my social media posts as of late, you may not know that I have recently moved to Ireland. Everyone who knows me knows I was born in Ireland and moved to Canada when I was a child. You know this, because that fun fact always followed the tutorial on how to pronounce my name. (Something I haven't struggled with in the last two months, thank God). 

So yeah, moving countries. Big decision, right? Let me kind of break down how it all went down. I made the decision to move countries about a year ago, but only started to tell people my plans last Fall. One by one I began to tell the people closest to me, and one by one they all responded with the same question: Why?

My standard answer became 'because I want to', (or as they say here in Ireland 'for the craic!' ) but it's so much deeper than that. 

I figure I'll start this blog off with my explanation, and going forward I'll describe and document my entire transition into uprooting my life and starting over. I'll try not to be too boring, and I'll try my best to make a point of visiting new places so I can document it all for you. However, back to the topic at hand. 

Let me describe the last year of my life for you. Or as I like to remember it: The most challenging year of my life. Every part of my mental and emotional strength was put to the test, and I genuinely think I came out a better person after it all. 

New year's eve, December 31, 2015: I had a moment where I promised myself I would change my life. The days leading up to New Year's Eve, I spent alone in my apartment thinking seriously about my life, where it was going and how I felt about it. For the first time in a long time I became honest with myself: I was in a rut. I was trapped in a relationship I didn't want to be in, I came to find that the job I used to love so passionately had changed, and I dreaded going in every day, I didn't like the city I lived in, and most importantly, I found myself saying "I wish I'd moved to Ireland five years ago". I promised myself 2016 would be my year, and I would make the changes I needed to make. What I didn't realise, was that my hand was about to be played for me, much sooner than I anticipated. 

As soon as I got back to work after Christmas break, I realised it was time to start applying for new jobs. I spent hours after work every night applying to every job I was qualified for, and found I was having to apply to a lot of jobs in Toronto. I was being selective, because I really didn't want to move to Toronto. February 2016 came along, and my world started to come crashing down around me. I found out I was being made redundant at work. My initial reaction was fear. I hadn't had time to find a new job, I was living alone, and didn't know how I was going to pay my rent. I immediately left work that day, drove to my parents and cried it out with them. Now would be the appropriate time to say that my parents have been and continue to be the strongest support system anyone could ever ask for. Any problem I have ever thrown at them has been made better just by talking it through with them. They quickly reminded me how miserable I was at work, and assured me not to worry, no matter how bad things got I wouldn't end up on the streets. I left their house that evening feeling a million times better. I immediately headed over to my (now ex-) boyfriend's house. He suggested we go for ice cream to cheer me up, and we headed off to Dairy Queen. As we sat in the restaurant and I rehashed the day's events for him, I suddenly burst out laughing. Naturally he looked at me like I was crazy and asked what was so funny. My response was "I just lost my job...." but in my head I was also thinking "and I'm going to break up with you too!" I didn't tell him that part just yet. 

In that moment, I decided I needed to make a drastic change. I couldn't spend the rest of my life wishing I'd done more for myself. I made the decision then and there to move to Ireland as soon as the lease on my apartment was up. About a week after I was made redundant, one of the jobs I had applied for in January contacted me for an interview. I went to the interview and got the job. I was relieved, because it meant I'd be able to continue paying my rent and saving my money for Ireland. 

In the coming weeks I would end up ending the relationship, leaving that job and moving on to a different job. This new job wasn't something I ever saw for myself long term, but seemed to be the most effective way to save money and motivate me to work towards Ireland. The job security in that job was slim to none, and I found myself panicking over whether or not it would last long enough to get me through to Spring 2017. I started saving everything I had in order to move much sooner than anticipated. While all of this was going on, my personal life was taking a hit, with challenge after challenge coming my way. I fought through all the challenges with one goal in mind: Ireland. 

I have been talking about moving to Ireland since I was a teenager. I have always wondered what it would be like to live here, how different my life would have been had I never left. I came to the realisation that my grandparents were getting older, and I wanted to be here and fulfill a dream I'd had for many years. I felt it was the perfect time to move, the economy in Ireland was booming, the economy in Niagara was garbage. I'd managed to walk away from a terrible relationship, and had hopes towards a future somewhere else. I've had a lot of people ask if I moved here for a man, or if I was running away from something, and the short answer is no. I did this for myself, because it's something I've been talking about since I was 16 years old. 

So I set off, with no job lined up, hoping to God my education and experience would steer me in the right direction. It took me 3 weeks to find a job in my field. Three weeks. People were telling me it would take much longer, that I'd have to work in a grocery store at first, that I was crazy for moving countries with nothing lined up and I had no idea how hard it would be to find a job. and I did it in three weeks. 

I'm sorry for rambling and I'm sorry this was so heavy! I will fill the next few blogs with my struggles and joys of my first few weeks in Ireland, and will carry on with the blog filled with my experiences of my new life. 

I'll leave you with this:

The biggest lesson 2016 taught me was to take chances. I didn't want to be 40 years old saying to myself "God, remember when I had the chance to move to Ireland when I was 30 and I didn't do it because it was scary?" I spent the last seven years of my life playing it safe and doing the 'responsible' thing, and life still threw me into a tailspin. Life is going to happen, whether we like it or not. We might as well do what makes us happy.